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Dads and Daughters

 

                LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL      

Sage was “daddy’s girl”. She loved her mom but her dad was everything to her. And her dad loved her immensely. She was bright eyed, intelligent, funny, and his precious little angel. She was his bundle of joy that lit up his world and warmed his heart as he could have never imagined possible.

There is no other love in the world that can compare to a fathers love for his daughter. And there is no love in the world that can compare to a daughters love for her dad. This was the kind of relationship Sage grew up with.

He told her that he would love her forever and would never leave her, not in a million years. He was her solid rock that held her world in place. She was the center of his universe and the little miracle that warmed his heart.

When she looked into her daddy’s eyes his heart melted like warm honey and it is like he was in a trance, unable to put up any resistance to her requests no matter what they were. He adored her every day with a freshness like it was the first time he laid eyes on her.

Life was beautiful and the world was a magical playground when Sage was with her dad. When he came home she would drop everything and run to the door, jump into his arms, and give him a big daddy hug.

That hug from Sage made all the problems and stresses of his day just melt away.

 

Growing up Sage could handle just about anything. She put her heart into making her dad proud of her and excelled in school, sports, and life. He was the solid rock that held her world in place.

Everything made sense because she had a dad that loved her, believed in her and would give his life for her if she were in trouble.

She wanted to be the most amazing child in the world because she had the most amazing father in the world. He was the one man in her world that would never hurt her and would love her with that “forever love” no matter what.

 

       HIGH SCHOOL YEARS          

As Sage matured other things in life slowly began taking more and more of her time and attention. She didn’t love her dad any less. He was still the rock and foundation that held her world in place and her love for him was still immense, but she slowly began noticing or feeling her dad distancing himself somehow in a way she really couldn’t quite put her finger on.

The other interests and stresses of life consumed most of her time and thoughts but there was a growing emptiness inside her. Deep down inside she longed for those days when she was “daddy’s little girl” all curled up in his lap happy and content. She would just push those thoughts and longings aside and “focus on life”. There was so much going on she didn’t have much time for “sentimental dreams of the past”.

 

DATING    

Soon Sage began to notice and be noticed by guys around her. She was young, bright, and very attractive. As most young girls do Sage began “obsessing” with how she looked, acted and dressed. Even though she was a “good girl” Sage would find herself being drawn to clothes that were sexy and a bit revealing. She loved the attention from the guys who “wished they could have her”. She was smoking hot and it felt awesome 

 ON THE HOME FRONT    

When Sage was at home, life was “business as usual”. Everyone was focused on the priorities of the day but all was not well. When her dad came home from work often looking tired or discouraged she wanted to throw her arms and give him a big hug to make him feel better. But slowly their relationship had been changing. Dad at first had become more and more distant. Then he became more and more critical and unloving. And by now their relationship seemed to have somehow become even you could say almost hostile.

As Sage began coming to the realization that she had “lost her daddy” she became empty and desperate inside. How could this have possibly have happened? What did she do wrong to make her dad dislike her so much? Her solid rock and foundation that held her world in place was gone. Nothing made sense anymore. When she let her thoughts dwell on this Sage would often cry herself to sleep. What was happening to her?

 

                           FIGHTING BACK            

Sage pulled herself together and “hardened her heart” to shield herself from the pain and emptiness. She had to go on and keep fighting. She threw herself into excelling at everything she did and unfortunately at the guys as well. Sage seemed to get some kind of emotional relief from having sex with guys but it was kind of empty and didn’t last. She really didn’t want to be “that kind of a girl” but couldn’t seem to control the feelings.

By now when Sage thought of dad, feelings of deep anger and abandonment surfaced. She started seeing him as somehow “evil and mean”. She couldn’t wait to get out of the house and have a life of her own. The daddy she grew up with and loved so much no longer existed.

Through her college years’ dad was just the guy that reluctantly paid the bills and that was pretty much all. Sage excelled in school and met the “man of her dreams”. She fell madly in love and they talked a lot about marriage. Dad didn’t like him and was always critical and demeaning towards “her man”. That worked to further drive a wedge between Sage and her dad.

Eventually Sage graduated college, got a good job, and got married. She focused on married life and had as little to do with her dad and things back home as possible. Her relationship with her dad was finally and officially nonexistent. As time went by she would notice dad getting older and would silently wish things had been different. She wanted to have dad in her life but was never able to “rekindle the relationship”. When she thought of her dad and her early life she just felt hurt and empty inside.

 

                          THE FUNERAL          

The time came when mom Sage’s dad was no longer able to take care of himself. Her life was busy and she wasn’t particularly close to him anymore, so she did her duty and arranged to have him placed in a nice care home. She told herself that she would make it a point to visit him often but with all of life’s obligations she seldom got around to it.

One-day Sage got the call that her dad “had passed”. She didn’t really cry or feel much of anything until the funeral. At the funeral Sage’s mind went back to her childhood and the good times and immense love she had for her dad. Oceans of tears came flooding out. It seemed as if a giant dam had broken that allowed all the compressed feelings of hurt and emptiness to engulf her like a giant title wave. But it was too late. Her daddy was gone and not ever coming back.

 

           GREAT AMERICAN TRAGEDY           

Sage’s story is both heartbreaking and tragic. Unfortunately, it is not an uncommon story by any means. But things did not have to be this way. So what went wrong? What caused this relationship to self-destruct?

Let’s take a look at this from dad’s perspective. Maybe there we will find some answers.

            “SALTY” MEMORIES"            

“Frank, Frank it’s time to take your medicine”. The voice faded and seemed to be miles away. Frank just sat and stared out the window into the courtyard. A tear trickled down his face as he turned slowly towards the Sandy the nurse’s aide that had just been speaking to him.

“I don’t know how you do it” Beebe, a young volunteer at the nursing home said. “He looks so depressed and empty inside”. Beebe choked back a tear and turned away. She spun back around now indignant and anger was in her voice as she demanded an answer. “Where is his family?” “Do they ever come to visit?” “Do they even care?” She fired off the questions and stood there waiting for an answer in a posture that was ready to pounce on any answer that didn’t meet her approval.

“Yes. He has a daughter.” “She seldom comes around and when she does she doesn’t stay long.” Sandy replied in a rather tired but sad tone in her voice. “I just don’t understand how anybody can treat their parents that way.” Sandy shook her head and turned to walk out of the room.

“I would never treat my dad like that!” Beebe still very upset about the situation. “She just isn’t human. She can’t be.” She stopped sharply as she noticed Frank had started silently sobbing. She and Sandy hadn’t stopped to realize that Frank was right there listening to everything they had been saying. She felt horrible and stooped down putting her arm around his shoulders.

Yes. Frank had been listening. He knew all too well that his daughter didn’t love him or even care if he lived or died. How did things end up this way? Frank pondered. The discussion around him had taken him back to the early days of his marriage. He had visions of the days when Sage was a bubbly, bright and happy child full of life and love.

How did he ever let that precious child slip away from him like that? Frank wept some more. Both women were now feeling both stupid and guilty for making this depressed elderly man cry. It was hard for them to choke back the tears.

 

                    HOW DID THIS HAPPEN            

Let’s take a moment to stop and take a close look at this situation. First we have a precious father daughter relationship that seems as if it will last an eternity. Then came the years when all this began to unravel, and before long that beautiful father daughter relationship had been completely destroyed. But why? How could this happen? It seems so terribly wrong. And Yes. It is so terribly wrong.

 

                      DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL        

Early on in their relationship, even before they were married Frank and Mary dreamed of having children. When the day came when Sage entered into their world they were overjoyed. She brightened up their lives as they never could have imagined. And Frank especially fell in love with his daughter upon first site. She was his little girl and what a precious child she was.

Their bond grew fast and deep. Frank took Sage everywhere and dreamed up dozens of father daughter things they could do together. Yes. Sage was spoiled to death by her dad and loved every minute of it.

Sage did not remain a little girl forever. She just kept growing and was maturing into a daughter to be proud of. And Frank was very proud of his beautiful young daughter.

 

            HIGH SCHOOL DAYS        

Even before she started high school the boys started showing up. These “horny young guys” as Frank saw them were constantly showing up at the house asking for Sage.  Sometimes he would overhear or observe guys he had never even met trying to “gain access” to his daughter.

Yes. And Sage was noticing them too. But she didn’t see them as “horny young guys” as Frank did. Some she liked and some she didn’t. But one thing she absolutely loved was all the attention. She was young, beautiful and full of life. Yes. She was “smoking hot”.

Just like any normal teenager Sage found herself spending more and more time with her friends and less at home and with her dad. Frank noticed this too and it was driving him crazy inside. Every time Sage was somewhere away from the house with her friends Frank’s imagination would get the best of him. He knew what “horny young guys” were like and to what great lengths they would go to break down a young girl’s defenses and seduce them into having sex. After all, he was “less than perfect” himself when he was that age. He knew all the tricks.

 

               NOT MY DAUGHTER        

Oh no! Not with my daughter! There was no way Frank was going to let that happen. He was Sage’s dad and it was his job to protect her. So Frank started tightening up the rules and doing his best to discourage the guys from coming around. None of them were good enough to deserve the attentions of his daughter and he made it his mission to point out their faults and shortcomings to Sage.

He knew Sage wouldn’t like his rules and “parental guidance” but she would thank him someday. But Frank made one very big mistake. He did not stop to realize and appreciate the one secret weapon he had in his arsenal. This one “weapon” would have been far more effective than all the “rules and advice” could ever attain. And if Frank had played it smart his relationship with Sage would have deepened. Instead the gap between them widened.

Sage had been raised right from the time she was born. She had all the love that a father could possibly lavish on his daughter and was raised with self-respect and morals. Sage also deeply desired to be the kind of daughter a father could be proud of. Sage herself was the best defense against recklessness and immorality. All Frank had to do is trust her and continue to love her. But he failed that test miserably.

 

           WARNING! DANGER!             

In Frank’s defense it is true that young guys do tend to be “horny young guys” and think about sex a lot. We are hard wired that way. And what’s even worse is that young girls also tend to have “raging hormones”. It is positively a “recipe for disaster”. But all hope is not lost.

Parents take a good look at your baby girl. She will one day be that sexy young girl walking the halls of a high school. She will attract the attention of guys, all kinds of guys. Some she will like and some she won’t. There will be some who are very good looking that she will be attracted to. And yes. She WILL have sexual urges and at times raging hormones.

What will your little girl now not so little do when she is with someone she is VERY attracted to and every cell in her body is screaming YES? This will happen. You can’t do anything to prevent this. I know facing this reality doesn’t make you uncomfortable. No. IT SCARES YOU TO DEATH! Yeah! And it should.

Will she be out there having sex? Will she get date raped? Will she be used and dumped over and over again searching for love? Will you even know what she is doing? Alcohol, drugs, and risky behaviors run rampant.

The choices you make will help to mold her and affect the choices she makes. But there is something even more important than the choices she will make. That is your relationship with your daughter. That is what this story is all about.

                  THE DEEP DIVIDE          

The gap between Frank and Sage just kept getting wider and wider. Sage, feeling abandoned and betrayed by her dad began searching for someone or something to fill the emptiness inside of her and the “horny young guys” were all too willing to offer themselves as the answer to all her problems.

The formula is simple. Home life with dad was tense, stressful, and stifling. Life going out with her friends was fun, exciting, and pleasurable. It’s not rocket science. Which world would you choose to spend the most time in? Get this straight. If you create a miserable home life your children will not spend much time with you.

 

    STUFF NOBODY TALKS ABOUT     

The above scenario is enough to spoil a precious father daughter relationship but sometimes there is more going on behind the scenes. And this was the case with Frank.

One day when Sage was young and “smoking hot” Frank noticed she was lounging in a position where he could see things that a dad should not be seeing in a daughter that age. And she looked so damn sexy.

Frank looked for a moment than turned away but it was too late. He had seen too much. He had a physical reaction to what he saw and it totally freaked him out. Did he really just get turned on by his own daughter? Inside Frank was terrified. The thoughts and questions slammed into him like a freight train. “Am I a pervert, a pedophile, somehow sexually deviant? How can I have a physical attraction to my own daughter. What’s wrong with me?”

Was there something terribly wrong with Frank? Was he an incestual pervert? Do fathers sometimes get aroused by seeing their fully mature and smoking hot daughters “stuff”? How common is this? What should Frank do now?

This is probably making you very uncomfortable right now and it should. But it is of vital importance for us to address this issue straight on. My whole purpose of writing this article is to help save at risk father daughter relationships and this is a BIG FACTOR

What should Frank have done differently?

What should Frank do now? Where could he turn for help and guidance? What would you do? Tough situation isn’t it?

Maybe he can blame his wife for not being available as much as he would like her to be?

I don’t think Frank could likely discuss this problem with his wife. She would likely freak out, panic, and maybe even file for divorce.

Maybe Frank could go to his pastor for advice. Would you? I probably wouldn’t.

Should he discuss this with Sage? It would probably push the already stressed girl over the edge. She would forever see her dad as a pervert and she would be freaked out every time he looked in her direction.

Just what should Frank do about this horrific problem.

 

                                MY ADVICE        

First of all, Frank should not overreact. It is important for men to realize that their anatomy is hardwired to react to certain things visually and they do not have complete control of that.

And Glory! Truth be told a man’s “junk” can get hard, often for no reason at all.

Next remember the saying “You might not be able to keep a bird from landing on your head, but you can keep it from building a nest in your hair”. Yes. Thoughts and images will go through your mind but you don’t have to dwell on them.

By now many fathers are probably thinking that I am some kind of pervert and that Frank should be taken out and shot. I completely understand the sentiment but it is my purpose to help preserve father daughter relationships not to cast blame and judge.

Here is my advice. Number one don’t panic. Number two calmly set down rules as to how a young lady should dress and behave even in the privacy of her own home.

A daughter should be modest and covered at all times in the home and she should not act in a way that is provocative or flirtatious. That should always be understood and abided by. It should be presented as just common decency.

Frank should not blame his wife. It may however be a good time to ramp up his sex life with her.

This may have been a one-time freak occurrence and never happen again. If so awesome! Problem solved. But it may become a frequent occurrence and Frank may dwell on this and fantasize. If this is the case Frank should seek out professional counseling and by all means

DO NOT ACT ON THESE IMPULSES IN ANY WAY.

 

                       BAD CHOICES              

So how did Frank handle this? Unfortunately, Frank did what so many other dads do in the same situation. Frank pushed Sage away and avoided any contact at all. From that point on Frank distanced himself from Sage and kept her as far away from him as possible. When Sage did want a hug from her dad or any form of emotional intimacy Frank responded by being cold and unloving. This caused Sage a lot of pain and to wonder what she had done wrong to make her dad “hate” her so much as this is how she interpreted his behavior.

  LOVE YOUR DAUGHTERS – LOVE YOUR DADS    

Dad’s love your daughters. If you find that you are having the same problems Frank had, and the problem persists go see a professional. Your relationship with your daughter is oh so very precious. It is too precious to let anything come in and destroy it. And by all means DO NOT CROSS THE LINE! If you do you will cause unimaginable damage to your daughter and probably damage or destroy other close relationships as well. And you could end up in JAIL!

If you are a daughter who had a beautiful relationship with your dad as a young child but that relationship deteriorated as you matured into a young lady don’t give up. Reach out to your dad. He may or may not have had the sexual attraction problem but probably did have a hard time dealing with all the issues related to your becoming a mature and sexual young girl.

I wouldn’t recommend that you dwell on or obsess about what caused the decline in your relationship. Just acknowledge that that time in your life was a complex and probably difficult time for your dad. He likely didn’t know just how to deal with your growing up. So just reach out to him. You don’t have to discuss the past but try to build a closer relationship in the now and in the future. Be patient and understanding. Your father daughter relationship is well worth the effort.

If you are a father and you had a beautiful relation with your daughter when she was a precious little girl but things fell apart as she matured reach out to her. You don’t have to address the past but by all means rebuild the present and future. You might have to apologize for “not being the best dad” and tell her that you love her and want to be part of her life again.

One or both of you would likely benefit from some professional advice by someone much more qualified than myself. I am merely calling attention to the problems and hoping that by doing so may be able to help preserve or mend what may well be the most precious and important relationship ever.

There is nothing more precious and more beautiful than a loving relationship between a father and his daughter. Don’t let that slip away.

 

NEVER CROSS THAT LINE       

So what should you do if you have CROSSED THE LINE. I hope and pray to God you haven’t, but if you have that is another problem entirely. So my next article will address that in a bold and straight forward way. I will title it AFTER THE LINE HAS BEEN CROSSED and it will cover how this affects everyone and just what each person’s responsibility is who has knowledge of this. It will be as powerful and disturbing as the topic itself.

Let me know your thoughts on this article and if you are interested in reading my article AFTER THE LINE HAS BEEN CROSSED when I finish writing it.

 

Thanks

Dan Graham                         

Founder

Pup-etts For a Better World

pup-etts4u.com

  

 Beautiful Father Daughter Quotes

There is nothing that can compare with a loving father daughter relationship. Here are some quotes from both fathers and daughters that demonstrate and express this better than I can.

 

I know dad you are quiet as you always do, but in your silence, you love me all years through. I love you too and will always do.

 

I do not know that what type of love it is that you have for us, love that makes you hug me when I am sad. I Love You, Dad!

 

There may be a thousand ways to say I Love You to a father. But for me, there is just one way to love you… UNCONDITIONALLY. I love you, dad.

 

You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. She looks up to you. You’re her oracle. You’re her hero. And then the day comes when she gets her first permanent wave and goes to her first real party, and from that day on, you’re in a constant state of panic.

 

“One of the greatest gifts I’ve ever gotten came from God. I call him daddy.”

“Some people don’t believe in heroes. But they haven’t met my Dad.”

                                              

 

She’s my princess not your conquest!  I don’t mind going back to jail!

“Dads hold our hands for a little while and hold our hearts forever.”

 

“Daddy, you may be giving me away today, but I will always be your little girl. Never forget I loved you first.”

 “No other love in the world is like the love of a father has for his little girl.”

 

“I may seem quiet and reserved but if you mess with my daughter I will break out a level of crazy that will make your nightmares seem like a happy place.”

“Mess with me I will fight back. Mess with my daughter and they’ll never find your body.”

“No one in this World can love a girl more than her Father.”

“The love between a father & daughter is forever.”

“When my daughter says “Daddy I need you!” I wonder if she has any idea that I need her billion times more.” – Stanley Behrman

 

                                     

 

When I come home, my daughter will run to the door and give me a big hug, and everything that’s happened that day just melts away.

 

I love being a girl because I’m my Daddy’s little girl

Sometimes when I feel so down and out, I only need to look at you and be reminded that you are my miracle. I love you, baby girl.

 

In my life, you are the sweetest melody and the brightest ray of light. Keep shining, my sweet one. I will be right here watching you conquer the world!

 

I’m so glad I have you to chase the dark clouds away and melt all my fears and pains. I’m so glad that I have you to make me laugh and give my life purpose. I’m so glad that I have a daughter like you to love!

I never knew I could love someone so much until I had you. I love you forever

 

Looking at you fills my heart with so much happiness,

Just seeing that smile light up your face is enough to make me realize just how blessed I am. I love you so much, sweetheart.

 

You are more precious to me than any treasure in the world. You make me happy and proud. I love you!

You are my life’s most beautiful gift. Thank you for making me so happy, my sweet daughter.

 

Dad, even a fleeting memory of your loving smile is enough to light up my darkest days. I love you. No matter how old my daddy becomes, he will always be the first man who held me up in his arms and cuddled me as if I was the queen of the world. I love you daddy.

 

Every girl dreams about living the life of a princess. I have never dreamed of that because I have always been treated like a princess by you. I love you daddy.

My dream is to make you the happiest dad in the world while your dream is to make me the happiest daughter in the world. How perfect! I love you dad.

 

Starting today, I want to do everything that I possibly can to let you know that I love you more than anything else in this world. I love you, old man.